Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
