East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
