WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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