My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
