After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
