Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
