I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
