I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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