Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
