i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
