I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
