I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Your cock deserves a montage
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
