I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize