and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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