nutella sex= disaster
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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