so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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