Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
