dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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