they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
