I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
