When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
