Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
