Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
