Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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