every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
now i know why i became what i already was.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
