A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
