Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
