I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
