remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
