Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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