My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
