Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
my liver is dry heaving
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
