i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize