Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
