Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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