I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
