the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize