You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
