if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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