I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
we're so committed to being not committed
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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