my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
