"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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