the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize