and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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