my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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