soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
