I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
