He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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