i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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