Just fell off a train. Bad.
I need help removing her.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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