love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
