I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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