When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
