Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize