What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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