at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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