i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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