anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Panties = found
Randomize
