I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
