You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
