I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I still have a little drunk in my system
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
