Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
