If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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